October 2025-A conflict resolution
“The answer to speech we do not like is more speech.”
In recent days I’ve been reminded of those words from Douglas Murray in light of the horrific assassination of Charlie Kirk. It was one of those world-stopping events when we all tangibly felt the weight of the darkness of evil. If ever there was a ‘Houston, we have a problem’ moment for the West concerning our current inability to do amicable debate and disagreement then this would appear to be it. Our world feels increasingly, and at times aggressively, tribal and disconnected. It’s a heavy thought indeed.
I have one critique of Douglas Murray’s comments though. As much as I’d heartily agree with him that the solution to conflict is not to close down but rather to keep open dialogue, my question is this - what kind of speech?
Our current cultural moment is one where we are staring into a gaping black hole when it comes to how to do conflict. Our culture is strong on commotion yet weak on solution leaving us too often facing stalemate as we jostle for our own personal checkmate. The anthem of many of our childhoods was that we should fight for our right to party after all.
That is why I sense a unique window of opportunity that the church has when it comes to how we conduct ourselves in times of conflict. In the school of King Jesus we learn to do things differently.
There will always be times of relational tension in a church family this side of heaven. If there aren’t, then perhaps the problem is that we’re not close enough to each other to be speaking the truth in love and truly bearing with each other. No conflict is ever wasted in God’s sovereign economy. So often in my life each conflict has presented an opportunity to learn, listen, grow, reflect and honour Christ in the process.
Paul gives us a golden little model of this in his letter to the Galatians. The gospel is up for grabs in Galatia. Peter, a card carrying justification by faith in Jesus guy, has wilted under the peer pressure applied to him by the Jewish false teachers who appeared in Antioch. He withdraws from eating with the Gentiles and leads others astray in the process. Paul knows this is not an agree to disagree moment. This behaviour needs challenged. The unity of the early church, the one that Jesus shed his precious blood to achieve, is on the line. Yet despite the high stakes, notice the godly way in which Paul conducts himself.
Paul calls Peter as esteemed pillar underscoring the legitimacy of his testimony and teaching as an Apostle. At the same time he chooses to oppose him to his face when it comes to his hypocritical behaviour. Notice the model. Paul praises Peter behind his back and challenges him to his face.
Of course what comes naturally to us in times of conflict? Our default setting is to do it the other way around. We are tempted to praise people to their face and challenge them behind their backs. This, however, isn’t the way the indwelling Spirit of God would have us behave.
Christ saved us from those futile ways and called us to something better that leads to him being honoured and people being loved. This is the lifelong process of putting off the old self and putting on the new self that is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
In an age where people are desperate for authenticity, I want to suggest that now is an opportune time for us to model in the church how to do conflict differently. Now is the time to model being people of both deep conviction and godly character.
The result of Paul’s approach both honoured Peter and unified the church. I’m so glad he conducted himself with both conviction and character. The church today would look very different if he hadn’t.
As David Gibson helpful puts it;
“Never try to fix your words by mending your mouth. Instead, the heart needs to change. Since the tongue is the hinge on which the door of the heart turns, we need to open our hearts to God first of all, and then when we open our mouths, things will be different”
The answer to speech we do not like is more Christlike speech.
